The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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