I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We need to rekindle our bromance
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
