Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You don't make any sense
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