apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
