I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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