Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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