I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
