I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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