apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
