you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
