i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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