I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
