at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
