I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
