can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
