so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
