Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
