Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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