Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
