So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
