Kiss
Puke
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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