On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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