Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
