I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
