thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
PANTIES FOUND
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