If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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