drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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