Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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