The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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