butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
