I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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