just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
