it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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