does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
