I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
