i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
