Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
