Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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