Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
