She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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