id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
