the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
