i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
