So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
