Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
