If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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