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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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