I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
