I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
