but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
