i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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