i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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