someone threw a dead crab at me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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