dude i'm inner monologue high
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
