he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am available for nakedness
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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