yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
